“Managing Surgical Menopause and the Workplace With Respect: For You AND Your Employer”
Introduction
Managing surgical menopause and the workplace takes forward thinking and respect not only from you, but for your employer too. If you are familiar with my blog, then you already know that it’s all about women with early and surgical menopause and going through it without the benefit of HRT.
Our places of work have women 55 and over now more than ever, so there is going to be menopause in the workplace at all different stages.
In this article, I’ll talk about surgical menopause and the workplace, go over my own story and the loss of my career. We need to talk about this subject more and not be afraid to do so. This is a real issue that many women are going through, suffering in silence because they’re afraid of being judged.
Table of Contents
1. My Reasons
Surgical Menopause and the Workplace: A Critical Conversation
I went out on a stress leave/FMLA, knowing that this was probably going to be the last one I’d ever go on. I had reached my limits with surgical menopause and being trapped in a work environment where some really unfair things were happening and I couldn’t get anything to change.
This post hits close to home for me because I lost my job, ending a career that spanned 25+ years. I’ve always worked in retail management and I’ve been able to move up the ladder, as I’ve never been content to stay at entry level positions for very long.
About a year and a half ago, I made the painful decision to leave my final job, where I’d worked for the last 5 years and was hoping to retire from. The reason I left was two-fold. Surgical menopause was definitely one big half but the other was my inability to handle situations that were happening around me that were wrong and that I couldn’t change.
I believe wholeheartedly in this topic because I had no one to turn to, no recommendations, and no idea how to handle it. It got to the point that I had to leave as I saw no other way.
2. Physical Challenges in the Workplace
I had several different symptoms at my job but for the most part, hot flashes were my main problem. Some other symptoms that can really impact work performance are:
Brain Fog: Surgical menopause really does wreak havoc with short term memory loss and it impacts your ability to think clearly. Unless you leave notes for yourself or are really on top of things mentally, you can spiral out of control and overwhelm very quickly.
Fatigue: The lack of estrogen affects your energy levels and women experience significant tiredness and exhaustion which makes it so hard to get through an average day, let alone a day at your job. Trust me, I know about this first hand!!
Anxiety and Depression: These two symptoms don’t affect everyone in surgical menopause, but it does happen to some of us and it can be debilitating.
Joint and Muscle Pain: Some days you just hurt and joint and muscle pain can lead to less mobility and attitude problems because it’s chronic.
Work Performance
Going through any of the above symptoms will definitely hinder your work performance! I can’t tell you how many times that I had to run to the back room because the hot flashes were so intense and so often, I had to find relief!!
I tried everything I could think of to help with the hot flashes. Ice packs in my bra!! That didn’t work, they melted too fast. All manner of tinctures, drinks, you name it. I was constantly sneaking into the dairy cooler because I was absolutely overwhelmed by heat.
Being tired from lack of sleep just made everything worse, from my flashes to my performance to my attitude. I was prescribed Clonidine for hot flashes, but after falling three different times at work, I had to stop doing that too.
Anytime I ever tried to talk to my manager or other peers, they would look at me like I was nuts! They’d say, “oh yeah. I’ve had hot flashes too” however, I knew that none of them knew anything about surgical menopause and how it differs from natural menopause. More on that here 👈🏻
I also respected myself enough to hold my ground and not to back down, even though they had no idea what I really felt like.
3. Emotional and Psychological Impacts
Identity shifts and career confidence
I definitely had less confidence after my surgeries. People were working circles around me and I couldn’t keep up and I knew it.
I found out later that this “friend” I had at my job was talking about me to EVERYONE. Even my neighbors at home had heard her doing it. My self-esteem had gotten so low by that point that I became almost paranoid and so worried I might do something wrong. I actually started making mistakes because of the stress!!
This same co-worker/peer would tell me that it was going to be okay and that she had my back, but what I found out later was that every time I did something too slow, (in her opinion,) called in sick or made a mistake, she would be on her phone, texting the upper level managers in our company complaining about me.
It’s also difficult to manage the symptoms and appear at the top of your game! Menopause and surgical menopause often happen at an age when a woman is at the height of her career. She has to fight against that and if co-workers or management see her struggling, she could very well be passed up for a promotion or position.
4. Managing Yourself Emotionally At Work
Hindsight is always 20/20 and I can tell you what I should’ve done as far as dealing with emotions at work and being professional when others aren’t.
My boss was female and there were other women working there, but they knew nothing about surgical menopause. I know that my coworkers could tell how bad I was doing just by looking at me. My face gives everything away and I just couldn’t hide the symptoms.
Here are some tips to keep you more calm and collected when you’re dealing with the symptoms of surgical menopause and the workplace.
Know Your Triggers: Be ultra aware of the people or circumstances that will potentially be upsetting and avoid them if at all possible.
Calm Yourself: If you find that you ARE getting upset, excuse yourself from the situation and go outside if you can or somewhere where you can be alone. Breathe and just take a moment to collect your thoughts and see if this is really something worth getting upset about.
Body Awareness: Pay close attention to your own physical clues, like breathing or heart rate, that might be signaling emotional shifts and address them early on.
Setting Strong Boundaries: You MUST learn how to set healthy boundaries! I have LOTS of experience here! I have no problem letting someone know when I’ve had enough and to stop.
After setting clear boundaries, don’t be afraid to gently remind anybody challenging your boundaries, that the line is still there. Being assertive takes practice and it can be scary initially but I promise you, that you will feel so much better after you’ve made your feelings known!
5. Legal Protections and Workplace Accommodations
According to the ADA, menopause that happens normally as a consequence of the natural aging process would NOT be considered a “disability.”
BUT, if you are in surgical menopause due to chemotherapy or radiation or have had your ovaries removed and have the intense symptoms that come with it, then it might be considered a disability. Each case is unique because every woman experiences it differently.
Reasonable accommodations to request:
Clothing: Your boss may let you wear breathable, layered clothing. At the job I left, they initially wanted me to wear a long sleeved, thick smock, over a uniform. I just point blank said “No! I can’t wear that, I’m sorry, I’ll be a sweaty mess within 15 minutes of putting it on.”
Temperature Control: They may be able to help with ventilation changes! For example, if you work in your own space, they could change the temp just for that area or let you work in an office or somewhere cooler.
Additional Breaks: You may need additional breaks throughout the day to cool off, rest or take medication.
Flexible Scheduling: Employers may let you start or finish your day earlier or later if needed, take shorter shifts if available or best of all, work from home!! This is something I’m actively trying to do!
Talking To Your Boss
My advice here is to know what you’re going to say. Speak calmly but assertively and know that you have every right to ask for help! Too many women are being quiet out of fear. Fear of being embarrassed or fear of what everyone will think. “Oh, it’s just menopause, she’s overreacting!”
Just sincerely tell your boss that you are REALLY struggling and this needs to be taken seriously.
After you’ve finished speaking with your employer, ALWAYS create a document recapping what was said and make sure that your employer gets their copy. Document Everything!!
An employer is not bound by law to accommodate you, however, it’s in their best interest to help you because if you end up having to climb the ladder, it would look bad for them that they did nothing.
The more we talk about surgical menopause and the workplace, the easier it will be to start these conversations in the future for the women who come after us.
6. My Story
I was trained to take over a management position, as another lady was retiring. I got the position and shortly after, the bleeding and fibroid problem that I thought was better, came back with a vengeance.
I had no choice but to take a FMLA for a hysterectomy. I only wanted to have my uterus removed as I’d heard about “surgical menopause” and wasn’t interested. I went in for surgery on November 8th, 2019.
At my follow up appointment, I was diagnosed with LGESS, (low grade endometrial stromal sarcoma.) I went in for a second surgery, a bi-lateral salpingo-oophorectomy, basically removing everything. This was December 18, 2019.
The hot flashes started immediately for me and they were HORRIBLE. It wasn’t just heat, they were sickening!! This particular building that I worked in had issues and they were waiting on getting a new compressor system. To limp the old system along, they had to use the store heaters to vent off the heat so the refrigeration wouldn’t go down. The heaters ran 365 days a year, 24/7 for roughly 2 years. It was AWFUL!!
I would call in sick on days where it was just too much and they made me get a doctor’s note for every single time! Then I was put on an action plan and told that if I called in sick just one more time, I would be demoted.
What they didn’t know was on that very day, I had Covid. But I couldn’t say anything so I just worked through it. (I won my unemployment case because of this detail, BTW.)
I can honestly say that I tried everything I could think of to make my situation better. I even talked to HR but I couldn’t get them to understand what was REALLY going on.
I had no idea that there were any resources for women in surgical menopause and the workplace. Everyone that I talked to about it, would seem astonished that I was having such a hard time and would simply just blow me off.
7. Advice for Others
Don’t Do What I Did
For the last 2 years that I was at my job, every day after work, I would come home and have a bite to eat and go directly into my bedroom where I would stay until the next morning.
I was so depressed and negative from being in surgical menopause and the workplace being so problematic. That is no way to live and I recommend you to leave your job before it gets to that point.
If you can build a support network for yourself at your job, that would be the best case scenario until you can either find a different job, retire or however it works out for you.
Most importantly, educate yourself on the rules and laws for your state and your employer as every place is a bit different.
8. Resources for Readers
There is a long way to go for change regarding surgical menopause and the workplace, but progress is being made in a lot of areas. Some employers are normalizing the topic of menopause in general so that it can be talked about and improvements can be made.
Here’s a good PDF that has a lot of information on menopause or surgical menopause and the workplace.
If you REALLY like to read, here is another PDF with even more explanation on the subject!
To go even FURTHER and read about women globally with this issue, read here.
Here is a SAMPLE LETTER with the basic format to ask for an accommodation.
Here are some examples of accommodation letters for different conditions.
9. Conclusion
My hope is that with this article, you will have enough information to help if you’ve found yourself in surgical menopause and the work place that you’re in is less than favorable or at worst completely unwilling to work with you.
Looking back, I know that leaving my job was the right thing to do, however, I could’ve done some things differently so that I wouldn’t have suffered as much as I did. There is no need for you to do the same.
